Encouragement for parenting plan modifications during a pandemic – OR – US – Together Letters | Together Rising

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Contact Crystal

: US, OR
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Hi,
The timing of life events cannot be predicted. A month before everything shut down, a mediation was scheduled with my ex husband to adjust the parenting plan for our son. The divorce was very contentious as I left an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. As my son is now older, we need a parenting plan that reduces the number of transitions & is less anxiety provoking. During the mediation, I again was accused of abuse and neglect and had to hear lies about myself, my parenting, and my son. Thankfully the professionals didn't believe any of it, but to hear the accusers voice - the sound, the speech patterns, the illogical reasoning, and the withholding of information - was something I don't ever want to hear again. This is occurring during the pandemic, when we are staying home for the good of our community. All of these factors have been triggering for my PTSD (which was a result of the marriage). I will continue to fight for what I believe is best for my son & would love any letters of encouragement during this unprecedented time complicated for me by PTSD, family law battles, feelings of isolation, financial stress, and anxiety... Just a little pick me up during this difficult time.


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  • Clea
    Hey Crystal!
    Guess what? Me tooo! Same thing- had to have a zoom mediation (a second one) @ a pretty price tag- why you ask? Because our combined income is over a certain amount. Im a school teacher- he’s a landplanner/GIS developer. Guess who makes all that $$$
    Here’s my advice etc:
    - it was killer being on zoom as opposed to in person, when he got out of his chair and started pointing his finger at his computer eye instead of my eye I almost laughed in glee.
    - I was able to stand up so much more for myself in the zoom as opposed to person . I just looked at something nice in my house that calmed me, instead of being hyper aware of his presence.
    - as I predicted he hasnt followed through with any of the trial visitations I agreed to with our 12 year old
    - our trial is on back burner & postponed 6 months, Im asking for arears . I’m reveling in this time. It’s a worry- free gift.
    BTW- no lawyers (either of us).
    Hang in there! You got this! You a good mama!!
    Revel in your solitary and your safety -squeeze your baby tight, they grow up so fast.
    ❤️❤️❤️
    Clea
  • Clea
    Hey Crystal!
    Guess what? Me tooo! Same thing- had to have a zoom mediation (a second one) @ a pretty price tag- why you ask? Because our combined income is over a certain amount. Im a school teacher- he’s a kandplanner/GIS developer. Guess who makes more?
    Here’s my advice etc:
    - it was killer being on zoom as opposed to in person, when he got out of his chair and started pointing his finger wt his computer eye instead of my face I almost laughed in glee.
    - I was able to stand up so much more for myself in the zoom as opposed to person . I just looked at something nice in my house that calmed me, instead of being hyper aware of his presence.
    - as I predicted he hasnt followed through with any of the trial visitations I agreed yo witb our 12 year old
    - our trial is on back burner & postponed 6 months, Im asking for arears.
    BTW- no lawyers (either of us).
    Hang in there! You got this! You a good mama!!
    Revel in your solitary and your safety mana- squeeze your baby tight, they grow up so fast.
    ❤️❤️❤️
    Clea
  • Kate in MA
    Breathe deeply,
    Listen to the truth within your heart.
    Feed the voice of your strength,
    Nurture your innate wisdom and
    Trust your soul.

    You are love.
    You are loved.
    Your son feels and knows your love.

    Breathe deeply and trust the love.
  • Meg
    Dear Crystal,
    I am so very sorry for your pain. The isolation associated with the pandemic can intensify these experiences, leaving us raw. It may help for you to know that as they grow, children see the reality of a parent''s bad behavior. Your son will know, without a word ever being spoken, that you are the hero of this part of his story. Take heart in that.
    When I walked a path much like yours, I found it helpful to change my lens toward the man who bullied me for years. In my thoughts, I chose to pity him. (He chose to create a war where none was needed. He could not let go. His manhood was so fragile that he could not accept the reality of the moment.) With this new attitude, I had less fear and felt stronger. My child sensed this and has developed a similar attitude over the years.
    I admire that you have reached out. I was not so brave in the beginning. It will be hard, but I believe you will make your son proud.
  • Carla
    As a child of a situation growing up like this, I feel your feelings. Now as an adult with my own children, I am so grateful for my strong mother. People like your ex-husband will never prevail because they believe their own truths. You and your son know the real truth. You are a mother doing what she can to stay strong for herself and her son. Daily practice of reading and journaling have been great resources for me as I still have to deal with my father in different ways now.
    I believe in you! Virtual hugs!
  • Carla
    As a child of a situation growing up like this, I feel your feelings. Now as an adult with my own children, I am so grateful for my strong mother. People like your ex-husband will never prevail because they believe their own truths. You and your son know the real truth. You are a mother doing what she can to stay strong for herself and her son. Daily practice of reading and journaling have been great resources for me as I still have to deal with my father in different ways now.
    I believe in you! Virtual hugs!
  • Heather F
    Please know that you are not alone. Keep doing the right thing for son, and don't let others get in the way of taking care of yourself too. You are strong, and will get through this. Be patient with yourself, and know that we here for you. Sending lots of love your way!!!
  • Mandy B
    I hear you. I’ve been you. I also had a traumatic experience with mediation and a manipulative controlling ex whose words were also very warped and illogical. Leaning on my own life coaching skills of spiritual methods to managing myself and understanding narcissism helped stabilize my mental state and create boundaries and strength I never had. We communicate fine now for the children’s sake. It’s daily work and my PTSD is slowly resolving, but I go back to my teachings and beliefs every single time I waiver from my course. I create my life, one day at a time with intention and confidence. My children benefit from this greatly and are much calmer. We’re 4 months out from our divorce and 6 months past mediation. That was one of the most horrible 9 hours I’ve spent. But it’s over and his inferno of anger out of losing me, losing control of his world and possessions has calmed. This doesn’t always happen and I have great tools and online courses I’m happy to refer. I’m here to listen. PureHappy01@yahoo.com
  • Mary C
    Crystal,

    I am with you in solidarity. The PTSD doesn't have to color your world forever, and you will eventually find a balance with your son's father. It took about 3 years for my daughters father and I to release the hurt, but we have both let go of the pain and moved on, and our daughter is better for it. Please feel free to reach out if you want to talk further, I have lots of (weird) things that helped me in the process. I'd be glad to be there for you however you need it. caskey.mary@gmail.com.